2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize