Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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