i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
