I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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