Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
