Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
