I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
