I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
