why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
