i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
