This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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