the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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