i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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