Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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