so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
