just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize