I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
