Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
