Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
