id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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