I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
