my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
