How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
