dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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