Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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