my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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