I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
