so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
