Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
