I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize