I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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