Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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