Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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