Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You took a bar mat shot.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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