The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
