forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
