I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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