Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
