she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
