Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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