i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
