WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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