I'm so fucking centered right now
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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