It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
