Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
