Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
