Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We left the knife in your bed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
