If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize