Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
