She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
