as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
