Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
