HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
