When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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