sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I bet he comes in French.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
