so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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