I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize