omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
