I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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