I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
