I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
