Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
