if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
