This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize