I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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