im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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