I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wish my penis had a tongue
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
