Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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