i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
