smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think people are normalizing furries
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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