We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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