Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
