glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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