He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sarcasm needs its own font
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
