hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
