just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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