your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
