mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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