i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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