And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
