Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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