Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
