Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
