They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize