I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize