Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
