I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize