I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
how does that bad decision feel?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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