He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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