I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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