I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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