Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
