you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
