Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
