so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
