I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
